


Take me as I am

by Sylvalum



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: Anxiety About Timelines, F/F, Pining, Relationship Negotiation, based on the comics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-10-04 20:40:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20477153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sylvalum/pseuds/Sylvalum
Summary: It’s not exactly everything that Max has ever wanted, this life.But maybe it could be all that for Chloe and Rachel, so really, Max picked the right timeline.





	Take me as I am

**Author's Note:**

> hhhhng the comics gave me feelings

It’s not exactly everything that Max has ever wanted, this life.

But maybe it could be all that for Chloe and Rachel, so really, Max picked the right timeline. This might really be the brightest one, the  _ right  _ one, the one Chloe deserves. The one Rachel deserves. And it’s good, it’s okay, it’s perfectly alright - Max could live this life, she’ll live this life if it’s the right one, but not being able to tell them everything?

_ Everything, _ everything? Not being able to spill her heart out to Chloe late at night, wonder if this is really Max’s right time to be, it’s just so fucking-

-And Max feels so selfish, sometimes.

She  _ is _ selfish. She sacrificed Arcadia Bay just so Chloe could live - even if other Max Caulfields didn’t, she did. 

-but she’ll sit in the sofa and watch Rachel kiss Chloe as she comes home, and then she’ll smile, or she’ll clear her throat, or she’ll tease them a little - but inside every time she’ll always just feel sad and abandoned and selfish, because she wants that. She  _ wants that. _

Guilt and longing and despair all mixed up, and she can ignore it, she’s learning to ignore it, she knows how to do it. Anything for them. And with time her smiles get more sincere - this is Chloe and Rachel’s happy ending, she’ll just leave them to it.

This is how fate wants it to be.

And as even more time passes, it starts to feel a bit like home. Max feels settled in her own skin, safe in this timeline - there are no anomalies, no flickers, nothing. It’s just a quiet little normal life, with Chloe and Rachel, and Max can be happy like this. Living with her best friends in sunny Santa Monica. A little unrequited love just shows that hey, she could be having way worse problems.

She could be dead, for example.

Really, this is an almost idyllic timeline. If Max somehow manages to fuck this up, then she’ll never forgive herself. (there are a few things she’ll probably never forgive herself for, already, but she can’t add to that. Not now. Not ever. This is where the light led her, this is where, how and when she’s meant to be)

Everything here works, Max’s life and Chloe’s life and Rachel’s life. They have ups and downs, sure, but when all’s said and done this is their life together and it’s  _ working, _ it’s flowing all smooth, they’re managing, this is the perfect timeline.

-and then, one evening in September as they’re preparing dinner together, Rachel kisses Max.

They’d been talking. Max had stopped cutting the avocado to look up at Rachel, who was beside her, and Max had said something and then Rachel had put a hand on her face and Max had closed her eyes and - and  _ now _ she can feel her heart thundering in her chest, so hard she thinks it should hurt, and her lips feel numb. She’s got fruit juice on her hands and she can feel the spots where Rachel had touched her cheeks like they’ve become infected, burnt, remade.

And in the sofa, Chloe sits and looks at them.

_ Chloe, _ and the name hits her like a stone, and Max can’t look at her nor at Rachel and her hands are trembling.

“Hey,” Chloe says, gently, from far too close up and Max has stood frozen for too long, she has to move, she has to- “Hey, Max, it’s okay, it’s okay,” and Max looks up despite herself, up at Chloe, whose face has gone soft and careful as she approaches. “I should’ve said something sooner-”

_ “We  _ should’ve brought this up sooner,” Rachel corrects.

“What?” Max says. Her mouth is so very dry and she can almost hear her own terrified heartbeat.

This is not how this timeline goes.

“You mean so much to both of us,” Chloe says. 

This is not a flicker, this is not a- what is this? What is happening?

“What’s happening?” she rasps out, sees Chloe and Rachel share a brief look that could mean anything, and then Chloe puts a hand on Max’s shoulder. And Max, she jerks back for just a fraction of an instant, startled at the solid real definitely-there-ness of Chloe’s hand, but Chloe definitely notices, and this whole evening’s just fucking spiraling out of control, isn’t it?

“We love you, Max,” Chloe says, softly.

That can’t be right. Chloe and Rachel are the thing here, destined in this timeline, this timeline that Max can’t bring herself to-

This can’t be right.

“How-” Max says, and forces herself to breathe. There’s been not a single flicker so far, and Chloe and Rachel are both here and alive and nothing’s changing, nothing’s phasing in and out of reality, and Max manages to ask, pained, “How long? For how long have you felt-”

“I don’t know, since last year?” Chloe looks concerned, keeps insisting, “Max?”

If it’s been for that long, then maybe it won’t tear time to- but Rachel-

“Rachel?” Max asks, and Rachel takes a tentative step closer.

(it’s just their kitchen, just their apartment, still no flickers -  _ calm down) _

“At first I thought you’d come between me and Chloe,” she says, “but you really, really didn’t. I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, and I’m so sorry for startling you-”

Okay, okay, okay.

Still no flickers.

Max closes her eyes and breathes, then opens them to see Chloe and Rachel in front of her, side by side, and Chloe’s still got a hand on her shoulder, anchoring her.

The fear that as soon as Chloe lets go she’ll be adrift in time once more is still almost too much to take.

Max braces herself and says, “You really want me? Both of you? Rach, Chloe?”

“Yes,” Chloe says, almost affronted, and Rachel takes Max’s hand in her own, yet another little point of contact nailing her to this timeline.

Alright, alright.

“I think we should sit,” Max says, and Chloe starts tugging her gently towards their beat-up sofa, “and then I have to tell you something. It’s - it’s a lot.”

It’s everything that got her here in the first place, all the things she told another Chloe years ago.

“Alright,” Rachel agrees. “Let’s be good adults and talk about our feelings,” she says, smiling at Max, and then they all crowd together on the sofa, and Max takes a moment to just hold their hands and  _ feel, _ believe in this, believe she can have this without the timestream interfering or collapsing on them.

“Okay.” Max is going to tell them, she’s going to tell the two most important people in her life  _ everything, _ but first there’s just one thing- “And I love you both too, just so you know, so we’re even before I begin...”


End file.
